Always Perfect, Always Beautiful

by Kathy Davis


When I was small the world and everything in it was so beautiful...

I saw love in the faces of my pets, my grandparents and in the faces of Nature. Beach days, downpour days and even flat smoggy days filled seasons and everything  would always  begin again.

Mommy was so beautiful and  glamorous and so was her house. I idolized her from afar. Beauty concealed everything so perfectly. Nobody could have guessed that she was deaf in one ear from having ... In my perfectly beautiful childhood bedroom I took refuge. I learned to block  the noise from the fights through the walls.

Family reunions and revelry would seem to keep the scary times at bay, until I grew and kept becoming. I keep secrets and struggle to always be perfect.

There are cracks in my veneer, yet beauty itself is not the culprit.What is, are the things that were sacrificed  so that the "blocks" would keep what was painful at bay.

And so it is  now that I find love in the face of someone, beach days, downpour days ,Nature and even the flat smoggy days.Everything 

begins again, except now I struggle to retrieve what I at one time lost by keeping pain at bay... Oh and my on going struggle is,to let go of the need to be so perfect and to not allow beauty to get in the way.