On Love, Loss and Happiness

I recall throughout the years believing mistakenly that happiness would be a prize attained for being perfect, a good girl and for saying my prayers properly. In my mind "happiness" would be without blemishes and shine brilliantly all of the time. Perfect health, perfect children and friends who would compliment the perfect world of the blessed. Blessed with fortune and education and lives that were relatively without big glitches.

People leave our lives in numerous ways...they reject us, or we, them or they leave us through death.Whether expected or not,there is never a good time to loose our loved ones.Most certainly,we will always loose one another, one way or another. We may never fully realize when performing the patterns of our lives that the phone call,text,e mail or knock on the door may occur at any given time and crush us forever.

We have all been told at different times to move on, and that not until we DO move on will something else happen in our lives to bring us joy.

What defines who we are is not our illusory perfection in our illusory lives.It is the way we integrate our pain privately yet dare to feel again,to laugh and love and trust again.Trusting that life will show us the tomorrows when we sometimes feel singled out by a platter of grief that seems too much to bare. I begrudge people who tell me to "get over it and to let go". My philosophy is different. Every person I have EVER loved is in my heart wherever I am...every pet, every friend and every love is with me all of the time.My "being" folds around this pain and holds it in loving memory.

My core integrates these losses and loves, allowing me to become more aware, more appreciative and more "present". Some people call it character, some resilience and you can call it whatever you please, but it is life lived with demension.

It is a much more beautiful world when one can love and accept the imperfect and love FOR the imperfections and not in spite of them. Happiness is softer than having to strive so hard to have it. Genuine happiness is much more forgiving... It is not the end point, but the searingly beautiful, tearful, comedic journey we process.

Allow yourself to cry without explanation, and to linger in your heart when others press you to get over things. Make peace with yourself and for God's sake make peace with others. Never ever apologize for loving too hard and please laugh at yourself. I am in the place where it is even okay if others laugh AT me and not necessarily WITH me. Happiness is the ability to live a life of accepting the whole ball of being HUMAN and EVERYTHING that goes along with that.

Happiness, is simple. The gift is the happiness of being able to be alive, and all that it encompasses. Cherish your memories, honor those in the NOW and have a healthy regard for the future for this is LIFE. Live it, and DARE to embrace it with your whole being.


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